Fear of the Unknown
As the popular as the saying “there’s nothing to fear but fear itself” may be, can we get a little more specific? We always tend to tend to think it’s the fear of enormous feats that it refers to but as humans, we do like to over dramatize don’t we. If in your heart of hearts you think it means go out and take over a multimillion dolllar company, by all means do so, if it’s within your ability AND if that’s your calling. But we all have different dreams and different fears and personally I think it’s unnecessary to do something you’re afraid of, no matter how dangerous it is, just to prove you can. It’s overcoming the fear of something that’s holding you back from experiencing your life in full colour. Whether it’s the fear of picking up a paintbrush and going savage on a canvas without fearing the outcome. It may not be a masterpiece but it sure as hell is going to give you a spring in your step for actually doing it! If you’re usually the most polite and soft spoken person under the sun yet still get treated like you’re a nothing by some pompous bag of inflated ego, speak up for once. Do it load and proud, okay that may get you into a spot of trouble if it’s in a work situation but that’s what the human rights commission is there for and nothing, I mean NOTHING feels as good as standing up for yourself does! I’m going to skip the cliché’s – go sky diving, etc because, well honestly it’s been encouraged as a fear overcoming tool ad nauseum (not that I wouldn’t mind doing it!) Rather back to the very basic and fundemamental obstacle: The fear of change. Yeah, let that sink in for a while…
Confused by the title? Let me explain… Although there are countless personality types, being of a positive or negative demeanour is fundamentally the root of each off shoot. A common misconception about positive people is that they are always happy, never get angry and never let anything bring them down. Unless you’re a medicated, happy go lucky I’m on top of the world constantly kind of person, it’s close to impossible and frankly a bit of an annoyance to people who experience a myriad of emotions on a daily basis.
We also get angry, sad, disappointed and dare I say – EXTREMELY frustrated. But, because we’re of a positive demeanour, those 5 minutes of negativity don’t turn a good day bad. We see it for what it is and find a way to turn whatever the negative intrusion is into a positive, productive outcome. So then why the title “Fearless Positivity”? Simply put, you need a bit of guts to get yourself out of a negative space be it physical or mental and that dear folks takes a fair amount of guts! I understand that it must awful to feel negative all the time although I do believe that some folks actually revel in it… The GRINCH anybody? Being negative on the other hand is always expecting the worst. Never finding beauty in anything and just being miserable as a way of life. It takes a lot of energy, tenacity and good old fashioned stubbornness to remain positive (even in our not so positive moods” It takes 23 days to form a habit and if for no other reason that saying “F@ck you life, I’ll show you!” go for it!
So be fearless, find something that makes you smile. Something that gets you excited and if you’re thinking “if that crocodile eats me, how in the name of green grass could this be positive?” Well you probably just fed a starving animal – good deed done!
STOP SMILING AT ME!!! A command thrown at me on many occasions, certainly not with good intent. So why does a presumably friendly facial expression evoke such a dramatic response? ?Various sites would have me believe that smiling when cornered in a negative space make me (WTF!) passive aggressive. UPPER case is more passive aggressive thank you very much! After some “pondering within” it (no surprises here) would seem that me smiling in the face of adversity is the equivalent of having a resting bitch face. It’s just what I do. And people in so called authority do not appreciate it. What happens when you throw gasoline on a fire or in this case get angrier when your nemesis is smiling? The smile becomes a barely hold-back-able “uhuh”. And then the inevitable laughter – oh the laughter!
Not exactly ideal for situations that require one to be little more professional and crying is simply not an option. I imagine the required response would be to quiver and look pathetically fearful of the wrath that has been unleashed by the tyrant. The inability to be commanded into retreat, be it in an argument on professional or personal terms, seems an impossible feat because in all honesty, it’s pretty much the same as negotiating with terrorists. It’s your own sanity and integrity that are being held hostage. So returning to the question of why some characters are so offended by “that” smile… Well it’s not the quite the expected response. As “normal” humans, people are so conditioned to expect certain responses be it negative or positive that when they don’t get the predicted reaction, they simply don’t know how to handle the situation which then leads to ultimate STOP SMILING AT ME.
And so the dance battle begins again… But with a shake of the head added this time!
It’s an expression as old as time itself, albeit in a different commentary. The contemporary “F@ck YOU” was given by Romeo and Juliet’s Tybalt as: “What? You take out your sword then talk about peace? I hate the word peace like I hate hell, all Motagues, and you”. Some call it savage or due to a lack of vocabulary, and then there’s the others who encourage finding peace within oneself. I imagine that this would then lead to less profane remarks such as “may the light be with you”… Um, sure. May the light be so powerfully with you that it sets you on fire! i.e. F@CK YOU!!!
Therapy and even meditation comes in all forms. My saving grace is the afore mentioned FU. I find complete solace therein, even if only mumbled beneath my breathe at times. Not quite a “suitable” response when dealing with overly sensitive, sometimes really old, but altogether ratty people. Also in various countries around the world you can be imprisoned for such a response – true story! I certainly don’t oppose that it can be (note: CAN BE) a negative response, just keep in mind it’s all about perspective. Let me explain: My mind is always busy and not in the sense of over thinking every single mostly non-deserving situation. Silence used to be my response, it beats having to explain myself and still be in the wrong. Whatever wrong that may be. So it became a nice simmering broil, not the good kind, which led to a full on BLOW THE LID OFF retaliation of mixed emotion, still just in my head. The inevitable literal spillage would then of course appear in the form of tears, not to mention the other longer lasting negatives – “Oh you have a cold in summer?”
Saying “F@ck you” not just to people but to situations that really are better off somewhere other than in my personal space is my way of saying “thank you but no thank you”. Just with more meaning. It’s not confrontational, for the most part, and it certainly doesn’t leave much room for misunderstanding. Whether it was heard by its recipient or not, the simple utterance of the “infamous” words leaves it so in my mind; “Right, now the thorn in my foot has f@cked off. I can walk without a limp”! Manners are great they really are and pointing your finger at people? Well that’s just opening another can of worms so until a better form of standing up for myself makes more sense, I will brace the day with my chin up & my (middle) finger even higher up. And of course a big, BIG smile! With respect…
Mad furious Rage
Ordinarily when I’m angry, I have my little tantrum, get it out the way & get on with life. Most of the time I’m able to just avoid such a situation by reminding myself to raise my vibrations, and then it generally leaves me unaffected. There are certain times though, especially at work because one HAS to be “civilized” and a “people’s person” and your only transgression is being yourself. As in not being able to tolerate the stupidity and nitpicking spiteful behaviour of co-workers and especially for not being willing to sooth their poor fucking fragile egos by kissing their pathetic asses and entertaining their moronic and 4 year old like conversations which is mostly gossip and talk of their personal lives. Very uninteresting and quite disgusting personal lives at that.
It so happened that yet again a co-worker got offended because I snapped at her (I simply said “no”) when she asked if she could do some mundane task for me. Well all hell broke loose! The coward didn’t even have the guts to tell me to my face not to talk to her like that, no; she waited till I was off duty & wrote a letter to our manager expressing her discontent at my irrational behaviour toward her mentioning offences that were not even relevant. All because I “snapped” at her. Well FUCK YOU I thought when I got to work and saw her little letter. I sent it to my manager myself and explained that I was no longer going to stand for this as every time this woman and her pathetic 200 year old husband (who also happens to work at the same place) had a problem with me ran to top management with mostly made up stories. Incidentally her disgusting husband is 30 years her senior. To cut a long story short, the rage that followed as management was immediately called in as I said I was going to lay a charge of sexual harassment against her because of the inappropriate electronic content she is constantly shoving in my face thinking I too would find it funny. Just because I mind my own business and never complain, the blame always comes to me.
I laid a formal complaint and what do you know, it was resolved immediately. The rage it evoked however is still simmering and I had to step outside a number of times just to avoid physically assaulting her. That’s how maddening the situation was. Worst of all is, this will not be the last time it happens as it’s not the first. I happen to want to keep my job because it kind of pays the bills but I dread the day when blind rage sets in. At least I have my keyboard to assist with some venting!
Cry Cry Cry
Why do we cry over oddities – PMS not counting (Prepare to Meet Satan), and the usual “normal reasons, like sadness or so. As with so many other matters in my life, things are always twisted in ways that most people find really difficult to understand. I cry or at least start to well up with a torrential corneal rainfall when I’m angry. I suppose it’s because it’s better that breaking shit, and getting bleeding knuckles and quite likely arrested! But there are also many other, seemingly inane things that make me cry. Usually it’s something that moves me so deeply, like injustice and general situations in which I’m helpless. Seeing the underdog win, be it fictional or not, makes me bawl like a colicky baby! I mean, even seeing Will Ferrell’s dad in Talladega Nights showing up at his school (with shitty drunk advice), made me shed a few tears!
Extreme excitement and anticipation when trying to explain to someone what I’m all excited about brings about the waterworks. The one thing I don’t remember crying about though is at funerals or over break ups (the end – not the fight). It seems that all emotion evaporates as do the tears.
Then there’s the laughing your ass off kind of laugh – the one that when you start, you can’t stop and then you laugh more because of it, creating a vicious circle which usually ends not just with your eyes leaking but your bladder too!
So in conclusion, I am extremely emotional, not as in cry baby emotional – aggressively passionately emotional about everything that excites me. It’s either that or I’m completely devoid of emotion, no in-between. Balance is after all highly overrated, unless you’re a trapeze artist! KEEP THAT FIRE BURNING!!