Upon arriving in Abu Dhabi for a two year contract, I had such a rude awakening! Having had quite enough after a year, I thought it only fair to enlighten my host country as to why I no longer wished to be involved in that particular doomed relationship! So to Abu Dhabi, the following “Dear John” will have to do:
Your “Arab Hospitality” is more “delusionality (sic)”. The majority of your venues, such as eateries, would propagate this hospitality in a bid to attract patrons to their establishment. To the uninformed/misguided/overwhelmed patron’s delight, he will arrive at the pearly gates indeed, to be greeted by a most helpful, head bopping waiter, who was probably part of swami Lalu’s cult before seeking sandier pastures on this part of the map!
The extent of your Arab hospitality, & let the record show I am referring to the males, (Dennis Rodman would be so at home here), is closer to: “You have mobily? Well then c’mon, take a ride on my magic carpet. The blonder you are the better habibi! Another step closer to heaven for me) That’s pretty much it. Of course let’s not omit the other approach… This one can be a little more intimidating, unless the attempt to overthrow any western female opine, is made by a Ray Ban wielding, 2-1 meter ovoid of a Sheikh wannabee, feigning superiority! That’s the basis for this approach – superiority. Because of my biological “malediction”, I am often faced with the equivalent of: “Hey you! Oh demon be inside you oh woman you! I have an ego the size of a camel’s engorged hump! So bow down and kiss my cracked heels!” As of late, this is met by my taciturn reply – “Es chuse me!” It does kind of impede, no wait, CASTRATE that whole supremacy thing. Try it, just pitch a little lower, talk a little slower, throw in the pronunciation of the queen and voila! The lout has become a eunuch. Aah, magical moments…
So Abu Dhabi, let’s call it quits. Besides, I’m still in love with my first love – South Africa!

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